Hi everyone! Hope you’re all having a lovely day so far 🙂
Well I’m happy to hear from yesterday’s post that you all definitely agree that Miss Jessica Simpson is in fact – pregnant!! Mila brought up a great point that she’s probably keeping her pregnancy a mystery since in the past there has been so much media speculation about her being pregnant when in fact it was due to weight gain. She’s pulling every media’s chain and I give her props for doing that…however a part of me wishes she’d release a statement saying that she’s pregnant since I’d love to see her show off that bump and see her embrace her maternity style 🙂
There are so many facets to my disordered eating struggles that I’ve wanted to talk about with you all – from trying to be perfect, to restricting and binging, to obsessive calorie counting, to over exercising, to using wine to help ease the pain – and how I’ve overcome many of these struggles. One of which I want to talk about now is – fear foods. I used to have (and am still working on) many fear foods. During the Atkins craze and at the height of my underweight days and disordered eating, I feared one thing only, carbs. Something inside my irrational mind told me that one bite of doughy bread or perfectly al dente pasta would instantly add 5 pounds to my frame. Which you all know would obviously not happen, but a disordered mind is a tricky one to deal with and in those moments, it will not think rationally.
So how did I retrain my mind to think rationally towards carbs and eat them again without any anxiety? I ate it. I just went for it and ate it. Sure it was hard, I got anxious, started to feel guilt well up inside me…but soon enough the feeling passed, and guess what? I woke up the next day at the same weight, was perfectly fine, and noticed additional benefits such as increased energy and a feeling of happiness. Each day I continued to add more and more carbs, with that I started to feel less and less anxious…and the positive feelings I started to feel with the benefits of carbs in my everyday diet, soon outweighed the negative, irrational thoughts and I could eat a piece of bread or have a bowl of pasta without any fear.
Everyday I think I can make an improvement within myself during this journey…having had this disorder will be with me for the rest of my life, it will never go away. But at least it will never control me again and I do not have the rigidity or fear like I had, and everyday I’m determined to succeed in this journey. Now that that fear is behind me, I’m embracing all types of cuisines and am having so much fun in the kitchen. Never would I have made a bowl of pasta, never. But now, my husband and I can enjoy meals like the one we had last night for dinner…
And turkey burgers with buns that we’ll be enjoying for dinner tonight…
Sure I’m not perfect. I still have my moments where I’d rather enjoy a salad for lunch instead of a sandwich…or a 100 calorie sandwich/bagel thin instead of a real bagel or hearty ciabatta bread…but I do recognize those moments and am still a work in progress with it all. What matters to me now is that I’m happy, I have energy, I’m healthy, and I faced my fear 🙂
Do you have a fear food?
How did you face that fear?
What’s a delicious dinner you’ve made or had recently?